let it be...

reflecting on my 22 years of life i have figured out romantic relationships aren't what they are cracked up to be.
nothing is ever perfected. prince charming for me, probably will never exist. ok, thats an exaggeration. he won't exist for right now. i have come to terms with that. i'm young. i don't need to be tied down, but if it were to approach me i won't turn it down. from being in my five and a half year relationship, i have realized that. it is the time in my life to be selfish. being in that relationship i felt as if we just went through the motions when i entered my first year of college, which is why we were so off and on. i put so much in to a relationship and he didn't put back as much as i did. i'm not saying by no meansi am an angel, but the red flag should have flew when he keep going to vegas, when a flight to vegas and a flight to the bay cost the same. the drive is an extra hour.he visited in my jr. year...twice. i dont get mad at the dude now. i don't even sit and ponder about him anymore. i'm not mad at him. im doing me, which i should have done first. from this i have learned my flaws. a friend said that i would never be brave enough to post my flaws. i know im a compulsive worry warden, i am too nice. i have trust issues. i have abandonment issues.i cuss like a sailor. procrastination. i am literal to the maxxxxx.i compare very thing to everything. the most important thing is that i accept my flaws and the moment i stopped. i know my areas of improvement. i highly doubt he will past his flaws.....

so i decided.....

every year, i always say that i would blog, but i never seem to have the time to. after much pondering i decided to make time. its a good excuse to procrastinate in my senior year at SCU, and probably a good stress reliever, and a way for me to write what i am thinking, since i hate keeping diaries and journals. it can possibly help me what i am going through . 

for the past few months i have learned that life is what you make it, and that you should not make people matter soo much in your lives that you lose yourself. i did that. i ended up shit creek without a paddle at the end of a five year relationship. i am now trying to find my way to a better me.